The Chronicles of Caska
by Tsuyu no Inochi
Summary: This is the story of Guts and Caska. From the their fierce introduction, unstable comaraderie, torrid union to the eve of the eclipse. The POV from the Hawks only female commander... Caska.
1. The Band of the Hawk

**Disclaimer: **I do not own 'Beserk'; this is only a fanfic.

**Authors Notes: **This is my first attempt at writing in the "Berserk" fandom and I must admit I was not very creative. My goal is to tell Caska's side of the story and to put forth thoughts she may have had during these episodes. This segment is based solely from the anime. I have just recently acquired the manga, but only the ones following the ending of the anime.

Please read, enjoy and leave a review!

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**Chapter 1: The Band of the Hawk**

The battle was over and the men relaxed on the hillside just outside the castle walls. All was quite now. The Band of the Hawk was having their first break after three months of continuous fighting. We lazed about drinking in the clear blue sky, finally enjoying some peace and quiet.

However, there were always the ones, like Corkus, who stirred up trouble the first opportunity.

"_Someone's coming!" _One our men yelled.

The others gathered at the end of the ruins to see the oblivious passer-by leaving the castle. It was the youth… the one that had just defeated the notorious Bazuso.

"_I'll bet his coin purse runneth over," _said Corkus, the rabble-rouser. _"You know he got plenty of money for killing Bazuso." _

Personally, I had not seen the boy fight; however, according to Griffith, he was impressive. As I sat on the flat boulder, I recalled Corkus's claim to kill Bazuso and I could foresee where this was headed.

"_Griffith!" _shouted Corkus. _"Do you mind if we get him?" _

I was surprised by Griffith's off handed manner as he told them to do as they pleased. Although we were a band of mercenaries, our leader had never allowed a group to attack a single opponent no matter how skilled.

"_Okay, guys, come with me!" _

Corkus and his cohorts jumped to their feet and I could only laugh at their foolishness. Would they really be stupid enough to take on the guy below?

"_What are you laughing at, Caska?" _Corkus spat.

As the only female member of the 'Band of the Hawk', I was highly respected amongst the men. I was also a skilled warrior and second in command to our leader… Griffith.

"_You don't really think that you'll beat him?"_ I lifted eyebrow.

With a smug look on his face, my fool comrade began spouting delusions of grandeur. Corkus stated that _he_ was supposed to have defeated Bazuso and become famous.

In my opinion, the warrior was not as great as everyone had thought he was. How the hulking idiot had maintained the title of undefeated was beyond me. However, the others had believed it and Corkus went on to say that, he planned to kill the youth and reclaim his quasi fame.

"_Then you will die," _I said simply, but he did not heed my words.

"_Hah!"_ Corkus sniffed. _"You'll see what'll happen."_

I shook my head as I watched the group descend on their supposed prey. Idiots… the lot of them; clearly they had a death wish.

"_Oh, boy! Corkus…"_ Judeau exclaimed and turned to our commander. _"Griffith… is it alright to leave this up to him?" _

The leader of the 'Hawks' never responded, he simply lay on his back staring off in the other direction. Although it seemed that Griffith was disinterested, I sensed he was not as blasé as he appeared. At our leader's lack of response, Judeau turned wide eyes back to his comrades.

From where I sat, I could not (nor did I particularly want to) see Corkus acting the fool. I had only to watch Judeau's expression to determine what was going on down there.

With his freckles, tousled mane of blond hair and light brown eyes, his face was an open book. Judeau was a thief prior to joining the 'Band of the Hawks'. He was skilled with knives, one of the best I had ever encountered. As far as his mannerism, like Griffith, he was quite the gentleman.

He was soft spoken with eloquent manners. I could never understand why Judeau was so accepting to his status in life. Unlike the rest of us, he had every possibility of achieving something more. However, that was who he was and if I were to call any man 'my friend' here… it would be Judeau.

I heard Corkus give the call to charge. _Hmph! _It was no surprised that he gave the order for his men to precede him. It was the coward's way, after all. How many men would he have put in Bazuso's path to act as his shield?

From the sounds below, it was clear the battle had begun. As expected, the next sound was the screams of _our_ men being cut down.

"_Look at what that guy did to Dan and Earl!" _

"_Damn it! What is Corkus doing?" _Judeau's voice was anxious. _"Fight or get out of there!" _

"_See…" _I began. _"I told you so." _I guessed Corkus was about to become famous, although not in the way he had announced.

"_Caska!" _

I turned to Griffith's summons.

"_You had better go help them." _

It was command… no matter how softly spoken, but a part of me rebuked.

"_Wait a minute! Are you kidding?" _I stood defiantly. _"It's all Corkus's fault." _

Griffith silenced me with a steely blue glare. I realized that look from the battlefield and it stopped my outburst. I rarely disobeyed an order and there was no sense refusing this one.

One could say that I was one of the privileged when it came to our leader. I was allowed to voice my opinions and I valued that position; therefore, I stood down. After all, I was indebted to Griffith; I owed him my loyalty… I owed him my life.

"_Fine," _I sighed. _"I'll do it."_

As I geared up, I muttered at the unfairness. Why on earth should I cover Corkus's ass? He talked big; it was not my fault he could not back it up. Now he was in a 'no win' situation and I had to rescue him.

Mounting my chestnut mare, I turned to the battle… or rather the massacre. As I rode over the rise, the dark haired warrior had just raised his sword to Corkus and I smirked at seeing my cowardly comrade withdraw in fright. With crossbow in hand, I fired one shot striking the lone warrior in the upper arm.

The eyes that turned on me were full of hostility. His brows were drawn together and his nose scrunched as he sneered at me, reminding me of a rabid dog. For one moment… just one brief moment, I was wary of my opponent.

"_Caska… are you coming to back me up?" _

Corkus voice caused me to break eye contact and I was able to regroup.

"_Of course not!" _I snapped. _"I'm here on Griffith's order! Now… step back!"_

Sitting atop my horse, I glared at the dark haired warrior through my helmet. He stared back as he grabbed the base of the arrow and, without flinching, removed it from his upper arm. As I tossed away my crossbow, I took a moment to review his weapon.

He carried a huge broadsword that seemed longer the length of his body. As it gleamed in the sunlight, I noticed the remarkable craftsmanship. Who could have made such a monstrosity? As I looked down on my opponent, I wondered how well he could wield it.

I was a proficient swordsman (or swordswoman) and the only member of the 'Hawks' that could best me was Griffith. Although the young warrior had killed Bazuso, I was not afraid. Considering his stance as he gripped his sword, he too was more than ready to do battle.

I grabbed the hilt of my sword and unsheathed it. With a fierce battle cry, I nudged my mount forward.

From the moment our swords clashed, I felt his raw power. We disengaged and struck again. He was an aggressive fighter, but I had not expected his swiftness. I had assumed his attacks would be slow as he wielded such a large sword.

His blows were coming hard, his attack vicious; just maintaining the seat on my horse took most of my concentration. So overwhelmed, I did not see the tip of his blade aimed directly at my head.

The blade rammed into the chin guard of my helmet, knocking it from my head. My body lifted from the back of the horse and I felt myself falling. I landed heavily on my rear, but managed to maintain the hold on my sword.

Momentarily stunned, I looked up to find him glaring at me. As I realized what had just occurred, I became enraged. Jumping to my feet, I drew my weapon and charged.

"_You bastard!" _I yelled.

Our swords clashed again as I lashed out in anger. I could not loose face in front of my men… in front of Griffith. Even though I was a woman, I was still a commander and second to the leader of the 'Hawks'.

The dark warrior's attacks winded me; they jarred my body and my teeth rattled from the impact of his blows. I pressed forward only to feel myself loosing ground. He may lack the basics and grace of the usual swordsman, but he made up for it in strength. We came together as I parried a blow and I looked him full in the face.

He could not be any older than I was and he was handsome. The feminine part of me detected that right away, but it was the eyes that drew my attention They were wild, reckless… merciless. Oh god… what had I gotten myself into? For the first time I felt fear.

The overhead strike ripped the sword from my hands and I closed my eyes as I hit the ground again. My arms were sore and felt if they had been ripped from their sockets. As I opened my eyes I saw him standing over me, his sword raised high, his eyes burning with hatred.

"_Oh no!" _I gasped. _"I'm going to die!" _

As I lay sprawled on my back, I wondered if I should pray. I could not… I could only stare, wild-eyed, as I awaited my fate.

The dark warrior raised his sword to strike when, suddenly; a javelin appeared and lodged into the ground in front of me. The weapon separated my opponent from me, thus halting his assault.

The warrior and I both turned to see who had interrupted our skirmish. This only made him angrier, but I was thankful.

Turning my head, I saw him. Sitting astride his white stallion, was Griffith… my savior. Once again, he had come to my aid.

"_Griffith!" _I breathed and then sent a warning as I saw he was also geared for battle. _"Be careful, he's very strong!"_

Our leader approached, his face a stoic mask. _"Will you put up your sword?" _he questioned the warrior. The only answer was his opponent's tightened grip on his weapon.

"_I see," _Griffith said and unsheathed his sword. Before he could complete the draw, I heard a viscous growl and the dark warrior lunged forward to attack.

Griffith and his stallion remained still as the monstrous sword came crashing down upon them. We all watched as our leader executed a smooth counter to block the warrior's strike. His parry looked effortless as he slid his rapier down the length of the opponent's broadsword. Confused at the maneuver, the dark warrior was thrown off balance. Griffith, with a smooth backstroke, took advantage of the opening it provided.

The tip of the blade sank into the warrior's side and I saw his face register surprise. Our men cheered as he maintained that incredulous look and fell, unheeded, to the ground.

"_Amazing!" _I congratulated Griffith. _"You beat him in one stroke!" _I turned to our leader in awe. He was unstoppable and unchallenged, but I was only one of many who worshiped him.

In a way, Griffith had saved us all. Many of us had no lives until we joined the 'Band of the Hawk'. Although none of us really understood his dream, we were grateful that he allowed us to share his pursuit of it.

"_What an idiot," _Corkus spat. _"He was no match for Griffith in one on one combat!"_

"_You're responsible for this, Corkus!" _I turned on him in fury and pointed my sword. _"I don't want to hear another word out of your mouth!"_

"_Sorry… don't kill me," _he joked.

How I would have loved to behead him right then and there… the fool. Dan's death, Earl loosing him arm; all of this senseless fighting was because of him.

Suddenly, from my peripheral vision, I detected movement. Turning my head, I saw the dark warrior, although wounded, was struggling to his feet.

"_Ah…" _I gasped. _"How… can he…" _I began, but was interrupted by Griffith.

"_Step aside; would you, Caska?" _he asked calmly. It was as if he had expected this.

I could only watch helplessly as the two men assessed each other. Griffith was composed as he sat astride his stallion, his clear blue eyes cold. The warriors brown eyes were glazed in anger and full of hatred.

From where I stood, I could see the storm clouds gathering in those hostile orbs. His facial muscles twitched in fury and those heavy brows were drawn together as he sneered. With a crazed look, he charged our leader.

"_Griffith!" _I cried out in alarm. My anxiety, however, was short-lived as the dark warrior passed out cold.

"_**It's a woman's duty to warm a man!"**_

What idiocy… what nonsense! There was no doubt in my mind that it was a man who came up with that. However, regardless of what my feelings were, I now lay naked with a complete stranger. One, I might add, who would have killed me had Griffith not interfered.

"_Help me!" _the dark warrior cried out, interrupting my thoughts.

He was dreaming again. He had slipped in and out of consciousness since the men had brought him to the tent.

"_Gambino… help me, please!" _he continued. _"I didn't mean it, Gambino! Forgive me!" _

Lying beside the warrior, I wondered who was this Gambino that he cried out to with fervor. What had he done to this person that warranted forgiveness?

I had lain with him for two nights and I knew soon he would begin to thrash about. He shivered with cold from loss of blood not yet replenished from the wound Griffith had inflicted. Thus, my body was required to provide him warmth.

Originally, our leader presented the offer of my services as a request. However, on my refusal to 'warm' the dark warrior, the request became a decree.

"_It would be most unseemly to have one of the other comrades lie with him." _Griffith had said.

Personally, I could have cared less. After all, he was not my responsibility; it was Griffith who wanted to keep him alive.

"_Don't touch me!" _the dark warrior cried out suddenly.

Immediately, I straddled him and pinned him to the ground to keep him still. Although an awkward position, I actually preferred this to lying beside him. Stretched out next to him seemed much more of an intimate act than wrestling.

With him restrained, I felt dominate. Gone were the tingling sensations in the pit of my stomach. The ones that came as we lie silently together in the confines of the tent with our mingled breath and heartbeats. I had to admit, that was somewhat uncomfortable.

Looking down on him, I thought about the scar across the bridge of his nose. A sword made it, I was sure, and I wondered how he had acquired it.

His skin was bronzed and swarthy, as if he spent much of his time outdoors. His short-cropped hair was spiked, black as mine and, once again, I thought him handsome. His dark ruggedness was a contrast to Griffith's genteel fairness.

The warrior may have been weak and injured, but it took all of my strength to hold him down and to prevent upsetting the wound. By the time he calmed and fell into a light slumber, I was exhausted. With him finally settled, I pulled the covers over us both and instantly fell asleep.

Waking early the next morning, I dressed, gathered my toiletries and started to exit the tent. I paused in the entryway with the strongest urge to look back at the still sleeping form of the dark warrior. Resisting, I redirected my thoughts to my confrontation later with Griffith. Without a backwards glance, I left the tent and headed towards the river.

A bath and fresh clothes revived me. I had washed away the mingled scents of last night and felt more myself. My skin now tingled from the cool water and not with… the unknown.

As I returned to camp, it was alight with activity as everyone was now awake. I spotted Griffith immediately and headed in his direction, accosting him outside of his tent.

"_Good morning, Caska!" _he hailed cheerfully. _"How is our young friend?"_

"_He'll live!" _I gave an unladylike sniff and continued, determined to have my say. _"I will not spend another night with him!" _I said forcefully, yet trying to keep my voice low.

"_Caska…" _Griffith implored and pressed a hand to my shoulder.

"_I mean it!" _I snapped, slapping his hand away. _"If he needs more attention, let Corkus keep him warm!" _With that said, I turned in time to see the dark warrior emerge from the tent that we had shared.

I may not be able to fully vent to my commander, but _he_ was a different matter. Mindless to my audience, I marched purposely towards him, reared back my fist and landed a punch to his wounded side.

He grunted from the blow and then doubled over in pain. Moving away, I recalled my manners.

"_Good morning!" _I said bitingly as I looked down on his crumpled frame. _"If I had my way, you'd be left to die out there!" _

Marching over to stand with the other men, I felt the quite satisfied at seeing him in that position.

Griffith had entered his tent and I turned to see Judeau speaking with the dark warrior. I knew I was the topic of conversation from the glowering looks he sent my way. Turning back in Griffith's direction, I saw him emerge from the tent carrying the large broadsword.

I watched as our leader approached the warrior and hand him his weapon. I was just as surprised as the recipient and wondered what Griffith was about. No one ever knew what went on in that calculating head. But… he rarely, if ever, made bad judgments.

Words were exchanged between the two men. Griffith then turned, with the dark warrior following, and exited the camp.

"So… what do you suppose Griffith is up to?" Corkus implied something sinister. "He should not have spared that brute's life."

"Well," young Ricket piped in from his place on the ground. "I assume he plans to have that guy join us."

Ricket was the youngest member of our group. At the age of ten, he was a mastermind with weapons. The boy could fix anything and the 'Hawks' well-kept arsenal was left in his capable hands.

"Huh!" Corkus turned to the boy in shock.

"We saw with our own eyes how powerful he is," Ricket continued. "I'm pretty sure he's going to be a great addition to our army."

Corkus became incensed at the possibility, reared back his foot and kicked the crossbow from Ricket's hands.

"Never!" he shouted. "Don't be ridiculous, Ricket! He cut Earl's arm off and sent Dan to his grave. The bastard killed our comrades," he continued. "I can't forget that never happened. Isn't that right, Pippin?"

I remained silent throughout his tirade. Had Corkus conveniently forgotten that it was _he_ that had gotten one comrade killed and another impaired? If not for his cowardice, he would have been the one either maimed or dead.

I did not expect a response from Pippin, and frankly, neither did Corkus.

Our Pippin was a large hulking figure of a man, who spoke only when necessary (which was hardly ever). Even then, he resorted to one-liners and more essentially, one word.

Not much was known about Pippin; his past was a complete mystery to me. I only knew that he was loyal to the 'Hawks', to our cause and to Griffith.

As I watched our leader and the dark warrior leave the camp, I wondered if Ricket was right. Was Griffith actually going to ask this guy to become a member of the "Band of the Hawk? And… if so; why? Without saying a word to the others, I decided to follow them.

I watched Griffith and the dark warrior climb the rise. The two stopped at the edge of a low cliff with a view of the valley. Standing behind a large tree, I listened as the two men talked.

" _Why didn't you kill me?" _

The dark warrior had just questioned Griffith and I, same as the warrior, awaited his answer.

"_Because I want you to join me, Guts." _

"_What!" _The dark warrior… I mean, this Guts gasped aloud, as I did in silence. We both listened as Griffith went on to explain.

"_I watched the duel between you and Bazuso at the castle," _our leader began. _"You were magnificent, but the fight was quite close. If Bazuso's axe had not been cracked, you would have lost your head."_

"_Probably," _Guts grunted,unconcerned.

Griffith turned to him and I could see the admiration in his eyes. _"At least you're honest,"_ he stated. _"Judging by the way you fight, it seems you value victory over your own life." _

"_You never yielded an inch," _he continued in awe. _"Even when faced with a monster like Bazuso or outnumbered by a gang on horseback. On the contrary, you would rather recklessly engage any opponent that crosses your path." _

"_You are brave," _Griffith informed Guts, "… _but I believe you purposely put your life in danger and seek the meaning of your existence by battling to preserve it." _

"_That's what I see," _he continued. _"You are fascinating and I find you much to my liking. I want you to join me, Guts," _our leader petitioned.

I drew in a shaky breath. From my spot from behind the tree, I could read the sincerity in Griffith's eyes. What was it about this… this Guts that held such appeal? There were plenty of reckless warriors ready to throw their lives away in battle. What was so different about this one?

"_If I say no?" _Guts inquired calmly.

"_You don't want to?" _Griffith asked in wide-eyed innocence.

Guts moved forward and erupted. _"Of course not!" _he shouted, his face ferocious as stared into our leaders eyes.

Most would be honored to join the 'Band of the Hawk'. Some had traveled miles to request entry; however, our leader was selective.

Normally the hopefuls were allowed to interact with the group, allowing Griffith time to evaluate them up close. After a few days, a decision was made based on character. They did not have to be the best fighter; it was something else that our leader looked for in choosing.

I often wondered why Griffith chose Corkus, as I wondered now why he chose this Guts character. I had no doubt he would be trouble, hard to handle and I hoped Griffith knew what he was taking on.

Peering around the tree, I saw Guts had fallen to one knee in pain. The wound must be bothering him. However, although kneeled, he lifted his head and glared at Griffith.

"_Don't talk as if you know so much!" _he shouted. _"What do you know about me? You've never talked to me, how can you know anything about me?" _

"_You're right; I don't," _Griffith said softly. _"I just have a feeling about you." _

Rising to his feet, Guts backed up a few paces. _"You lousy son-of-a-bitch!" _he said through clenched teeth. _"Treating me as some kind of friend after you stabbed me." _

"_You started this fight," _he continued and pointed a finger to Griffith. _"I'm not going to forget what you did to me and I suspect… you won't forget what I did either. Taking the lives of two of your comrades," _he stated, as if we needed reminding.

"_What do you want then?" _Griffith asked.

"_Well…" _Guts smirked and withdrew his broadsword from its sheath. _" To settle this with swords," _he continued and his voice lowered to a menacing growl. _"I'll make a hole in your chest as big as this one when I win." _We waved his sword threateningly.

Griffith appeared unperturbed as he stood, his silvery locks blowing in the wind. _"What if I win?" _he questioned his challenger. Our leader may look fragile and that had deceived many; however, the members of the 'Hawks' and I knew better.

"_Do whatever you want with me," _Guts replied.

That alarmed me. This fool… this Guts was as reckless as Griffith implied. To wager yourself to an opponent that you just lost to in battle, to challenge one that had already defeated you at a time when you are not fully healed was insane.

Lowering his eyes, Griffith appeared humble and bowed his head acquiescently. Our leader almost seemed reluctant to accept, however…

"_I rather enjoy settling things by force," _he said and withdrew his sword. His eyes were blue steel with a detached edge contradicting his earlier aversion.

It was clear both men were determined; I could see it in their eyes, in their stances. They stood facing each other with weapons drawn. Although Guts was injured, it was something ominous in his tone as he had spoke. I had every confidence that Griffith would win; however, the phrase 'a cornered cat' kept replaying in my head.

Clinging to the tree, I watched them and experienced a premonition. What was about to happen, would change us, I just knew it. And that… scared me more than anything else.

I could no longer sit here; I had to stop this. Stepping from behind the tree, I quickly moved towards them.

"_Griffith!" _I shouted.

"_Leave us alone, Caska." _

"_But…"_

"_No matter what," _Griffith interrupted calmly. _"I will have what I want." _

Words delivered with such confidence, only added fuel to the fire for the dark warrior with the large sword. Guts brows drew together and his lips thinned as he snarled just before charging.

There was nothing I could do. I could only watch, helplessly, as the two came together and the clash of steel rang throughout the cliffs.

To be continued…


	2. First Battle

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Berserk; this is only a fanfic.

**Author Notes: Gomen nasai, everyone! **This chapter is long overdue. With another full-length in the works, I haven't had much time to devote to this particular fic. However, as that story is coming to a close soon, expect timely updates.

A special thanks to everyone who read the previous chapter and to my reviewers: Swordman Beliefs and to Night – this chapter is mostly Griffith centered, but expect more on Guts, as he and Caska interact more in later chapters. BTW – based on the anime, I did not get the impression that Caska took an _instant _dislike to Guts. What I deduced was… the closer Griffith and Guts became, the more negative her feelings. It was sort of progressive. I hope this chapter gives a little insight.

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**Chapter 2: First Battle**

"_Griffith!" _

My shout fell on deaf ears as the dark warrior and my commander, for the second time, engaged in combat. Both Griffith and this Guts person were stubborn and I could only stand by and watch their battle unfold.

Parrying a thrust from the large braodsword, Griffith then counterd with a riposte. He struck the first blow as his rapier lashed out with lightening speed and sliced into Guts forearm creating a fresh, new wound. In a lunged stance, our leader smirked at the surprise on the dark warrior's face.

Guts staggered back and fell on his rear. He had not recovered sufficiently from the last battle with Griffith, but he was the one foolish enough to issue this challenge. One must be one hundred percent when taking on the leader of the 'Band of the Hawk'.

"_We can always suspend this duel until you have recovered completely."_ Griffith's voice broke through my thoughts as he stood over Guts. Deliberately riling his opponent, Griffith added, "_If you would rather." _

The taunt hit home and with a growl, Guts jumped to his feet. _"Shut up!" _he yelled, raised his sword and began swinging mindlessly.

What was with this guy? Did he enjoy punishment or was he some kind of masochist? He had fought recklessly with Bazuso and had taken on Corkus men single-handed. After my bout with him, Griffith had defeated the dark warrior and now he was back for more. Whether from tenacity or stupidity, the fool just kept coming.

Griffith dodged each blow effortlessly while Guts relied on his strength. His movements were erratic compared to our leaders smooth style and evasive maneuvers.

Hearing rapid footfalls from behind, I turned to see the entire camp running towards us. Turing my back on the two fighters, I stepped into the path of my comrades and spread my arms wide.

"_Come on!" _I heard Corkus shout to the others as he led the pack. _"That brat is at it again! Kill him, Griffith!" _he yelled.

Once again, the instigator could not act alone, but that was Corkus's trademark. It was a pity not many recognized it for what it was. I, however, saw right through him and often wondered why Griffith kept him around.

"_Corkus… stay back!" _I ordered.

"_What?!" _He gaped at me.

"_Griffith said not to interfere." _

"_Don't be foolish," _he snapped and approached with every intention of passing. _"It's him or Griffith!"_

He was just one step away when I swiftly withdrew my sword. His foot halted in midair as my blade pressed into the pulsing vein at his throat.

"_When did you become the leader, Corkus?" _I challenged, only to watch him twitch nervously. _"Griffith's orders are absolute. So, settle down!" _I commanded. My dark eyes glittered with resolve as I stared him down and applied more pressure to his beating pulse with my sword.

Sounds from the fight ensuing at the top of the hill, once again, drew my attention. Sheathing my sword, the members of the 'Hawk' and I turned to watch the outcome.

The dark warrior was faring no better than a moment ago. Griffith was slicing him to ribbons, but the fool would not give up. Several cuts were bleeding profusely and I did not understand how this Guts could stand, let alone continue to fight.

Griffith's attacks were brutal, but his angelic face was impassive. He showed no hesitation or mercy and his eyes were shards of blue ice. However, I would never stand in judgment of my commander and I would never, outwardly, question his methods.

From where we stood, I could see the blood gushing from Guts wounds. In a last attempt to halt Griffith's precise assault, the dark warrior plunged the tip of his sword into the ground. Pulling back on the hilt of the blade, he lifted the soft packed earth and tossed soil and grass into the face of his opponent.

Temporarily blinded, Griffith staggered back giving Guts an opening. Raising his sword high, the dark warrior brought it crashing down on our commander.

However, Griffith somehow managed to dodge the intended blow and was now balanced precariously on the blade of Guts broadsword imbedded in the ground.

We all gasped in awe at our commander's agility and his abilities never ceased to amaze us. No one could best the leader of the 'Hawks', I thought with pride… no one.

Standing on the monstrous sword with his full body weight holding it down, Griffith placed the tip of his rapier to Guts throat.

"_Finally," _I murmured with relief, _"It's over!" _

"_I enjoy the way you fight, my friend!" _Our commander addressed his opponent. _"You would go to any lengths to defeat me. However, you cannot wield your sword unless I move." _Griffith bore his weight down on Guts sword to prove his point. _"I wouldn't mind if you'd rather postpone this for another time." _He made the offer for the second time.

At first, Guts appeared dumbstruck by the strategy and then… I noticed that determined gleam had returned to his eyes.

"_Hah! You talk too much!" _The dark warrior smirked. _"Let me tell you something…" _he practically hissed before continuing, _" In battle, there is only one way you should be using your mouth!"_

If I had thought him mad before, I doubly thought so now. My eyes grew wide as this Guts opened his mouth and clamped down on the tip of Griffith's blade. Using jaw pressure, he pushed forward forcing our commander back and upsetting his balance.

We watched Griffith wobble in an attempt to maintain his footing on Guts sword. So focused on his task, he took no heed as Guts lifted the hilt of his sword and tossed him off. Guts, however, also stumbled forward and they both toppled over the side of the cliff.

"_Griffith!" _I screeched and took off at a run. What was our commander thinking by taunting this lunatic? Why did he want someone as reckless and foolhardy as this Guts to become a member of the 'Hawk'? This mad man cared for no one's life… not even his own.

Running to the spot where they fell, the Hawks and I reached the edge of the cliff and looked down to see the two had landed at the bottom unharmed. We arrived in time to see Guts deliver a sound blow to Griffith's jaw. To add insult to injury, the dark warrior followed through with a kick to the side of our commander's head, knocking him to the ground.

"_I can… I can't believe this,"_ I cried out in my mind. Corkus stood next to me, also in disbelief, and I heard him utter, _"I've... I've never seen Griffith get knocked down before."_

For once, I had to agree with my fool comrade. I had never seen Griffith beaten in such a way… actually, I had never seen him beaten at all. Even during a full-scale battle, I had never seen him disarmed. I had seen him cut through masses of the opposition on horseback and never lose his seat.

What the hell was going on? Who was this Guts and why was Griffith going to such lengths to have him join us?

"_So… how do you like the taste of your own blood?"_

Guts taunt invaded my thoughts and I returned my attentions to the two men below.

"_You struck a sound blow." _Griffith's response was muffled. Our commander rolled to his knees and wiped the blood from mouth before standing. With his back to his opponent, he stated ominously, _"But… I'm afraid this has to end." _

As intended, Griffith's impassive declaration only served to antagonize Guts. The dark warrior growled and lashed out at our leader. Drawing back his arm to throw a punch, he clearly intended to blindside Griffith.

Neatly sidestepping the attack, our commander caused the dark warrior to overextend and stumble forward. As Guts arm extended to break his fall, Griffith clamped down on his wrist with one hand, hooked the other under his armpit and slammed his assailant to the ground. Face down and with his arm pinned under Griffith's weight, Guts could not move.

The men behind me roared in celebration as we had seen this particular tactic before. It was what the men called a 'grappling hold' and we knew, at that point, the fight was definitely over.

"_Now… my friend," _Griffith stated, holding tight to his opponent. _"Admit defeat or I shall be forced to dislocate your shoulder." _As Guts began to squirm, trying to break free from the firm grip, or commander added on a sinister note. _"It makes no difference to me." _His tone was cordial, belying the intensity of the situation. _"Now… choose." _

My gaze moved from Griffith's stoic face to Guts' savage one and I knew then, without a doubt, how this would end. As sure as I thought it, I saw the smirk reappear on the dark warrior's face. The next word uttered, sealed his fate.

"_Bastard!" _

From the top of the rise, I heard the distinct popping sound of Griffith separating Guts' arm from his shoulder joint and the valley grew eerily quiet. The grunt of pain forced from the victim's throat, was a clear sign of surrender.

"_Yeah!" _

"_Way to go!"_

"_That's our Griffith!" _the men all chorused and raced down the incline. Laughing and cheering they all rushed to celebrate with their commander. I could not help but notice, that Corkus was at the front of the fray. He was the first to reach Griffith and offer his congratulations.

"_Griffith!" _He addressed his superior. _"That was great!" _Turning to look down on Guts struggling form on the ground, Corkus could not resist a jeer. "_You won't be forgetting that anytime soon now, will you?" _he spat.

"_Hey, champ!" _Corkusbent down to the injured man's level. _"How does it feel to lose two in a row?" _he mocked.

I stood alone and silent from the rise. From my position, I watched my comrades; my commander and our new recruit still attempting to stand. I saw Griffith come between Corkus and Guts, sweeping the rabble-rouser to the side. He approached the injured warrior and pulled his head up to meet his eyes.

"_Now… you belong to me, Guts," _Griffith declared imperiously.

My eyes stretched wide at his words. What could Griffith mean? What did he mean by 'belong'? Surely he did not plan to enslave this… this berserker of a man.

I dismissed that thought as quickly as it came. Griffith abhorred that type of thing. After all, he had saved me from a similar fate. However, I could not help but wonder at his choice of words.

My brow furrowed as I saw Guts eyes also widen in response to our leader's claim. Brown orbs, rich as the darkest chocolate met and held blue orbs, clear as the morning sky. In that brief moment… in that second, there was a flicker of something reflected in the depths of those eyes and I turned away.

"_Do you mean it?" _On hearing Rickets exclamation, I reluctantly turned back.

Griffith stood and made it official. _" From now on… Guts is a member of the 'Hawks'!" _he announced.

From my position of the cliff, I could see the shocked faces of my comrades; however, the majority began to cheer. The news had clearly floored Corkus; he stood quite still, his eyes bulging in disbelief.

As I turned and walked away from the crowd, I thought it strange. Other than recruitment for the 'Band of the Hawk', Griffith had never taken a personal interest in any one person and individual compliments were nonexistence. Although he had saved my life… although he had left it to me to decide on joining the 'Band of the Hawk', Griffith had not offered the way he had Guts.

This only confirmed my intuition from earlier. Things were about to change, and not necessarily for the better.

xXxXx

"_What am I now, his personal body guard?" _I began heatedly. _"I refuse… let someone else do it!"_ I turned my back on my commander. The two of us stood on the hillside overlooking the camp where we could talk in private.

"_Now, Caska," _Griffith appealed to me. _"Guts is now our comrade. How can you refuse to look after one of our own?"_

I rounded of him with my hands clenched to my sides. _"I… have… looked after him quite sufficiently, thank… you,"_ I emphasized with sarcasm. _"Assign him to someone else," _I reiterated.

"_There is no one else that I would trust," _Griffith said firmly. _"A lot of the men do not agree with my decision to have Guts join us, although none will oppose me directly. I am only asking you to watch over him until he is healed. After that…"_ His blue eyes smiled and I avoided that angelic gaze. _"… after that, he is on his own." _

'A lot of the men', meant that Griffith knew about Corkus and his cohorts. I should have known that our leader would be aware of the mood of his subordinates.

Corkus was clearly not happy with the way things had turned out. With Guts laid up, the fool would not miss an opportunity to take advantage of the situation.

"_This is the last time," _I conceded and glanced at our leader from the corner of my eye. He wore a satisfied smile and I went on the defensive. _"I mean it, Griffith… I will not do this again."_

"_Alright, alright," _he laughed. _"I promise… I won't ask again." _

xXxXx

On night watch, I patrolled the area and made sure to stay close to Guts tent. I was about to step into the open when I heard voices from the other side.

"… _besides that, didn't Griffith say…"_ I recognized Sam's voice.

"_Don't worry." _That was Corkus conspiring again. _"The boy is asleep and alone; plus he's injured and can't possibly use his sword." _

"_We'll convince Griffith that the kid ran off or something," _he continued and added on a sinister note, _"After we dump his body in the woods." _

The group stood and moved towards Guts tent. _"Come on, Sam,"_ Corkus urged his comrade, _"… you go first." _

"_Why me?" _Sam whispered frantically. _"Corkus… you… never go first," _he accused.

I smirked into the darkness. So… someone else _was _aware. Deciding to interfere before things got out of hand, I moved from behind the tent and out into the open.

"_You'd better not do it."_ My voice carried to the group of schemers.

"_Caska!" _

"_He is still beyond your skill level," _I informed them, meaning Guts. "_Even in his present condition," _I added.

"_I'll take my chances," _Corkus spat.

Cutting my eyes in his direction, I wanted to remind him that it was Sam he had put on the forefront.

"_Go back to your tent like a good boy, Corkus,"_ I instructed him tiredly.

"_Come on, Caska!" _His eyes appealed to me. _"Why do you want to save him?" _

As I failed to respond to his query, Corkus eyes narrowed on me. _"Oh... I see what's going on." _He leaned forward and insinuated suggestively, _"You lay down beside him for the past two nights; it's no wonder you have feelings for…" _

My sword appeared suddenly in my hand. I was unaware that I had drawn it until the blade gleamed in the moonlight, the tip poised at Corkus' bobbing Adam's apple.

"_If you say something like that ever again, I'll chop your head off." _I hissed.

I didn't want to remember those nights I had lain with the stranger or the odd sensations that I had experienced. I only wanted to forget.

"_Hey!" _Beads of sweat formed on Corkus brow. _"I was just kidding," _he stammered. _"Calm down." _

My eyes never wavered from his and I held my ground. Seeing a chance to escape, the conspirator turned to his companions and began backing away. _"Come… let's go," _he grunted.

The cowards and their leader ran off. Sheathing my sword, I heard the flap on the tent open and I turned to Guts' hostile glare. Wordlessly, I stared back and then turned away to continue my rounds.

"_Well… it looks like I owe you double now," _Guts huffed ungraciously. Ignoring him, I continued walking. _"I should at least thank you," _he yelled after me.

The last thing I wanted or would ever want was this… this Neanderthals thanks. Besides that, I thought he was going to choke on his own half-assed and obvious insincere attempt at gratitude.

"_I didn't do it for you, " _I announced as I kept my back to him. How dare he even think such a thing. _"I'm just following Griffiths orders."_ Finally, looking back at him, I decided to make my position clear.

"_I don't give a damn about you," _I stated emphatically. _"I hope you drop dead in battle." _Turning on my heel, I muttered loud enough for him to hear, _"… and soon." _Even to my own ears, that had sounded a bit childish; however, that was the way I felt.

Guts did not respond, but I could feel his eyes boring into my back as I walked away. Something inside me was unfurling, something dark and sinister. Once again I wondered, who was this Guts and why was he so special?

I sensed a connection between him and Griffith, one that I don't believe Guts was aware of himself. But… it was there and wondered what it could mean.

xXxXx

Guts made a miraculous and speedy recovery. In the days following, the 'Band of the Hawks' were issued new orders from the head of the Midland subsidiaries. We were chosen to lead the raid on an enemy encampment.

Dressed in full battle gear and in formation, the men and I sat astride our horses on the moat bridge. Griffith stood at the head and we listened as our commander revealed the stratagem.

"_On the hill…" _Griffith began and pointed to the lined tents on the hill near the outskirts of the castle, _"… our opponents have their headquarters manned by approximately two thousand soldiers. Our mission is to burn their provisions and other supplies stored behind the hill," _he continued. _"Theoretically, the enemy will amass their troops to the front of the hill expecting a night attack." _

"_My strategy…" _Griffith looked out amongst us. _"We shall march through the river and attempt a surprise attack from the rear. Then… we will take the shortest route back and pass right through the midst of their forces in a single dash." _

"_Any reinforcements?" _One of our soldiers asked.

"_No," _Griffith said simply. _"Those who hired us cannot afford to lose anymore resources." _

"_Cause their all a bunch of cowards!" _another soldier yelled.

Laughter erupted throughout the troops, as we all knew the blue bloods left the real fighting to us. The men were excited. They had been idle since the last battle and were revving to confront the enemy.

"_Quiet!" _Our leader commanded and all laughter ceased. Once he had our full attention, he continued. As we waited for Griffith to instruct us on our positioning, his next words shocked everyone.

"_The rear guard for tonight… will be Guts," _Griffith announced, turned to the dark warrior and then added, _"If you accept?"_

Murmurs rippled through the crowd. From my seat on my mount, I looked to Guts, who appeared as shocked as the rest of us.

"_As the rear guard," _Griffith addressed his choice, _"You will have to help all your fellow soldiers escape… while containing hundreds of enemy cavalrymen… on a narrow path through the woods," _he emphasized. _"Can you mange it?" _

"_Is that an order?" _Guts asked, seemingly unperturbed and knowing full well that is was.

"_It is," _Griffith responded.

The two men's eyes met and clashed. Once again, I noticed the challenge in Griffith's; it was as if he was baiting Guts and, somehow, I knew the dark warrior would rise to the occasion.

"_Is Griffith testing him?" _

"_Poor guy; I doubt he'll make it." _

"_Maybe he'll see his chance to sneak off!" _

These comments were inconspicuously muttered through the 'Hawks' with each member voicing their opinion and I had to disagree with my comrades.

Our commander's strategies were flawless. Griffith would never assign a task to someone unless he was absolutely sure of success; therefore, he must... he must truly believe Guts' capable of carrying out his orders.

Sitting a few feet behind him on my horse, I stared at the back of the dark warrior's head and experienced that same feeling from before… the one that left a bitter taste in my mouth.

The opening of the iron gates pulled me from my musings and I suppressed the gnawing sensation in my gut. Nudging my mount forward, we fell into formation, headed out of the castle and into the forest.

xXxXx

The raid went as planned. There were no mishaps, but then… failure was neither an option nor a consideration for the 'Band of the Hawk'.

Our forces moved upstream; in the middle of the river rather than alongside it. Judeau silently took out any guards we encountered along the way. His aim was accurate; his knives fatal.

As Griffith had predicted, the provision tents at the rear were barely manned. Our troops broke through without any trouble and the fires were set, depleting the enemy's rations and supplies. With our task complete, our squads turned and headed back to the castle.Griffith's group led, mine followed and Guts brought up the rear.

As intended, the first two groups arrived back at the castle without confrontation from enemy troops. Only Guts group would encounter them.

I watched Griffith dismount from his horse. The castle magistrate approached and began pre-congratulating him on our success. However, our leader was brusque as he informed them that the battle was not yet over. Without another word, he bowed courteously, excused himself and headed towards the main gate.

"_Why… all of the nerve!" _they sniffed huffily, obviously appalled that a mercenary would have the gall to cut them. _"Such insolence!"_

As I followed behind Griffith, I was sure he had overheard them. However, he ignored them and I did the same.

"_What are our losses?" _our leader inquired of Judeau, who had just arrived.

"_Nothing serious," _the knife wielder replied.

"_Excellent!" _remarked Griffith.

"_It's all thanks to Guts," _Judeau stated excitedly. _"You should have seen him take on a group of cavalrymen single-handed. Boy… he's really something!"_

Judeau's praise continued; I found myself becoming annoyed and the intensity of it surprised me. I was not above giving someone their due and was, usually, the first to express a job well done. However, with this Guts… I found I just could not be as accommodating.

Suddenly, we heard someone approaching and looked up to find young Ricket reining in his mount.

"_Where is Guts?"_ Judeau asked.

"_He sent me back without him," _the boy cried.

"_Oh no," _Judeau sighed. _"I hope he's still alive." _

The four of us turned and peered down the dark road. It was likely we were all thinking the same thing. As I turned to Griffith, I saw the determined set of his jaw and resolve glittered in his eyes. I recognized that look; he was going after Guts, I was sure of it.

"_Caska," _Our leader turned to me. _"Set up a barricade of canons aligning the front gate and have them ready to fire. We will return shortly."_

"_Wha… what are you planning?"_ I asked, but moved to do his bidding.

"_What else?" _He smiled as he mounted his horse. _"I'm going to retrieve our comrade." _With a salute, Griffith, Judeau and Pippin headed down the road and into the darkness.

Shouting orders, I surmised it was not _our _comrade Griffith was going to retrieve, but _his_ prized possession… Guts.

xXxXx

Much later that night, I sat on the tower wall and looked down into the courtyard of the castle. The men were celebrating; there was food, drink, laughter and camaraderie, but I had decided to forgo the festivities.

Griffith and the others had returned and were successful in rescuing Guts. I recalled feeling relief at the sight of Griffith's white steed galloping towards us. The moment I noticed Guts sharing a saddle, the annoyance I had felt earlier returned in full force.

Thus… to the victor belongs the spoils. This celebration was in honor of the 'hero'. Although a bit battered, Guts had fulfilled his task without losing one man and yet… he did not join in on the celebration. Instead, 'our hero' sat alone at the opposite tower overlooking the valley.

I watched as Ricket, Judeau and Pippin took the stairs and approached Guts. Words were exchanged and then I saw Pippin's large, burly form grab Guts and toss him on his shoulders.

It was a struggle and the big guy took a blow to the nose for his efforts, but Pippin did not relinquish his hold. He escorted Guts into the midst of the celebration and, unceremoniously, dumped him in front of the fire.

As soon as Guts righted himself, he sat up and yelled, "Don't you ever…"

His words were cut off by a mug of ale pressed into his face, but I knew what he was going to say. After all, he had muttered it repeatedly on the nights I had lain with him. Whatever his reasons, Guts clearly did not liked to be touched.

Obviously, this Guts was a loner. He seemed unfamiliar with the men's camaraderie and looked somewhat uncomfortable amongst the lively atmosphere of the camp. It was not until Griffith lifted his mug in a toast, that the 'hero' appeared to relax.

I also noticed that Corkus was missing from the celebration. He was probably off sulking somewhere, but I had no right to chastise my comrade. After all, my annoyance… or so I liked to call it, with Guts was quickly turning into something darker.

As I looked down in the courtyard and down on Guts head, a part of me wondered if I should have accepted Corkus offer, but then… my loyalty to Griffith overruled that.

To be continued…


	3. A Wind of Swords

**Disclaimer: I do not own Berserk; this is only a fanfic. **

**Authors Notes: **Hi everyone, I'm back! Chapter three is up and** Happy New Year **to you all!

Many thanks for the reviews: Swordman Beliefs, Ishimaru Amon, Silver Spider and Vellor The Ancient. Please read enjoy and leave a review!

* * *

**Chapter 3: A Wind of Swords**

The war between Midland and Chuder had lasted over one hundred years. We - the 'Band of the Hawk' fought on the side of Midland. Our mercenary band was secondary to the king's armies who, at this moment, were being crushed by Chuder's 'Black Ram Heavy Cavalry'.

Mounted and in full battle gear, our forces rushed to the aid of the first squad. In formation, Griffith led the attack; I rode behind him and was flanked to his left, holding second position as we charged onto the battlefield.

Breaking through the trees, my eyes shifted from the back of our leaders head to the open field. Suddenly, a lone figure appeared between the Chuder army and us.

"_Damn it!" _my mind screamed, as I recognized that massive bulk. _"Gutts!" _I fumed silently.

Three years… three years had passed since he had lost his wager against Griffith and became a member of the 'Hawks'. Sorely, in that time, the fool had learned nothing. Gutts was still reckless, still headstrong and still a thorn in my side. As if to prove my point, he turned his mount and solely charged the entire Chuder forces.

With each swing of that massive broadsword, bodies began to litter the ground. Gutts destroyed their first line of defense and cut down anyone in his path. He had disobeyed orders… again, but then I should not have been surprised. It was his trademark, after all, much like Corkus' cowardice, Pippin's silence or Judeau's bravery.

Finally entering the fray, we engaged with the enemy and were able to lend a hand to our wayward comrade. I was incensed with Gutts' actions that, in the heat of battle, my ire rose. Every man that fell under my sword wore his face.

xXxXx

Our forces had returned to Midland's castle victorious. Chuder's - 'Black Ram Heavy Cavalry', after taking a sound beating, had turned tail in defeat. The subjects had cheered as we passed through the main gates, congratulating our success.

Standing on the stairs of one of the sentry towers, I watched our lone warrior dismount and the men of his squad surround him.

Gutts was a Captain now and the men in his squad were called 'the Raiders'. Within two weeks of joining the 'Band of the Hawk', he had been promoted. No one else had advanced so quickly, not even me. Not only were he and I evenly ranked now, but the men had also developed a misplaced sort of hero worship for the man.

"_Come on… let's celebrate. The first round's on me!" _one of the Raiders suggested to their captain, as the group passed below.

"_Congratulations!"_

Everyone turned to my greeting. As they spotted me at the top of the stairs, I could see the wavering smiles and grimaces on the faces of his men. They knew, as did Gutts, that a tongue-lashing was in order.

"_Big sister, Caska!" "Commander Caska!" _they chorused.

"_We need to talk." _My eyes bored into their commander's. _"May I have you alone for a moment," _I requested and then added sarcastically, _"Sir Captain Gutts." _

"_Go on." _I heard him say to his men, as he avoided my gaze. _"You guys start without me… I'll catch up later."_

As he started up the stairs, I turned and headed towards the isolated tower I had chosen for our private discussion. Gutts walked behind me with only the sound of his heavy boots pervading the silence. Finally, I stopped and turned to him.

"_What do you think you were doing out there?" _I got straight to the point.

"_What do you mean?" _Gutts countered calmly.

"_Don't give me that," _I spat. This was so like him, playing dumb.

"_Our plan for the last battle was to act as support for the main forces charge," _I explained and tried to maintain my composure. _"Our companies each took a flank to contain enemy attack."_

"_Despite its success…" _I paused for affect; _"… you nearly ruined our battle plans by charging into the center of the enemy!" _At his silence, I continued.

"_What do you think… that you're alone out there, like some kind of hero?" _I scolded him like a child. _"Your self centered actions could have put all the 'Hawks' in serious danger!" _

My voice had raised a few octaves and I struggled to lower it. _"Would you please try to keep your position in mind, somewhat,"_ I hissed.

At his stunned look, I lost control. Grabbing the fastening on his cape, I yelled, _"You-are-going to get someone killed!" _

We had been down this road before, Gutts and I. As good as his word, Griffith had never again asked me to look after our comrade. However, I repeatedly found myself monitoring and reprimanding the man's actions. I simply could not understand why Griffith tolerated his blatant disregard for orders.

Gutts looked totally bewildered by my assault on his person. My hands were clenched tight in his collar, as I tried to pull him down to my level. Unsuccessful, I then pushed up on my toes to reach him.

Over the course of three years, Gutts had developed physically. He now towered over me; his chest and shoulders were broad and sturdy. Daily exercise and brandishing that monstrosity of a sword kept his biceps and forearms well toned.

Staring up at him, my gaze was full of hostility; however, the feminine part of me had to acknowledge that he was still handsome. Unlike Griffith's genteel elegance, Gutts had more of an earthy appeal.

His ebony hair was cropped short and spiked over his masculine head. His face had lost its boyishness, although he was able to feign enough raw innocence at moments like this. Although he was fairly attraction, that perpetual scowl and the wildness of his eyes kept the bar maids and court ladies at bay.

I heard Gutts sigh; he then swatted away my hand from the folds of his collar and turned his back.

"_I apologize," _he said softly. _"It won't happen again." _

This was Gutts way of ending my tirade. His attempts to pacify me was his subtle way of telling me to go away, leave him alone or that he was tired of hearing me speak.

"_You always say that," _I sneered. _"You're always insincere; you just repeat the same thing."_

Over a year ago, Gutts had ceased arguing with me. Our earlier disagreements had resorted to name calling, browbeating and had occasionally ended in drawn swords. To this day, I was ignorant of the reason he had stopped; however…

"_You haven't changed at all," _I continued. _"Not since you jumped on Griffith three years ago."_

"_All you care about is swinging your sword against others. You don't care at all about the lives of the men you lead. You don't care about anything!" _My voice rose again and I jammed a finger in his direction, annoyed by his relentless silence.

"_You're just a mad dog!!!" _I finally shouted.

Gutts responded with a viscous growl and grabbed my wrist in a crushing grip. That wild look had returned to his eyes and they glittered down on me.

"_Say it again!" _he invited dangerously. _"Say it again… if you dare!" _

He didn't scare me, as I had been on the receiving end of that glare before and had witnessed it countless times of the battlefield. However, something held me silent. His words were delivered with same intensity as his request not to be touched; therefore, I held my tongue and waited for him to get a grip on himself.

"_Why don't you two calm down?"_

Turning to the voice of reason, Gutts and I looked down the stairs to find our leader standing at the bottom.

"_Griffith!" _I gasped, surprised by his appearance.

"_Caska… may I speak to Gutts alone for a moment?" _

Yes… I sniffed with disdain, he would speak to Gutts and nothing would change. He would still do as he pleased and Griffith would allow it.

Wrestling my arm from Gutts grip, I snatched away and headed down the stairs. As I passed by our leader, I was determined to have my say.

"_Griffith, you are way too soft on him." _

It was the best I could muster at the time. Exiting the tower, I continued outside and left the two men to talk in private. I swear, sometimes I believed that Griffith actually encouraged Gutts' actions.

Stepping outside, I wiped a hand across my brow as I felt a headache forming. Turning down the stairs, I saw Corkus and a few of his cohorts leaning casually against the wall and the dull ache at the base of my neck increased. Just great, I thought grimly. This was all I needed after dealing with Gutts.

"_Why bother, Caska?" _Corkus stated. _"You know that he's Griffith's favorite pet. You can't win, so you might as well get used to it."_

"_Of course, I am always here for you if you decide to get rid of him," _he continued sinisterly. _"Caska," _Corkus appealed. _"You and I could take care of him and no one else would have to know." _

I let him ramble on; one altercation a day was my limit and I had just exhausted myself with Gutts. With a sigh, I proceeded down the stairs. It was by chance that the heel of my boot slammed down hard on Corkus' instep.

My fool of a comrade grunted in pain. As I reached the bottom stair, I heard him take a tumble.

"_Damn it!" _I heard Corkus moan.

"_Sorry," _I threw over my shoulder tiredly. Without looking back at his crumpled form, I went in search of a poultice and some peace of mind.

xXxXx

Gathered at a small chapel, the Hawks and I stood amongst the elite of Midland royalty. Griffith was becoming a Knight, one of the highest honors a mere mercenary could ever hope to achieve. The king had finally acknowledged our efforts and our leader's perseverance had finally paid off.

As we watched, the king's low monotone echoed through the hall; however, it could not drown out the disapproving murmurs from his peers and subjects.

"_This is absolutely absurd… a rogue mercenary being Knighted," _one said.

"_What on earth is the king thinking?" _another high nasal whine inquired.

"_The Hawks were a great help on the battlefield." _Finally, a supporter.

"_Nonsense… these men would be nothing more than thieves without this war." _Unfortunately, for most of us, that was very true.

"_Nevertheless, their services are still necessary…" _

The voices droned on and on. Not only did I have to listen their highhanded opinions, but I was also subject to overhearing Corkus' rubbish as he stood next to me.

"_You see that," _he boasted. _"They have no choice but to honor us for distinguishing ourselves in battle. Isn't that right, Ricket?" _

At the boy's nod, Corkus continued.

"_At last, it's farewell to the humble mercenary life. We've been formerly admitted into the king's army" _

"_We-are-in the middle of a ceremony, Corkus!" _I emphasized with a hiss. _"Would you please try to exercise a little decorum?"_

My request was met with silence. With a sigh, I went on to explain. _"From now on, our behavior will reflect on Griffith and everyone will be watching us. There is no longer any excuse to act like boorish mercenaries," _I continued. _"We've come too far." _

"_Okay, okay, I understand, Commander Caska… Ma'am.," _Corkus added sarcastically. _Geez… she's even worse than my mother," _he muttered under his breath.

My head snapped around at his words. _"What was that?" _I growled and then, remembering where we were, I looked around to make sure no one heard me.

"_Hey… we… we're at a ceremony!" _he stuttered, as my eyes spoke volumes. How dare he even compare me to that tyrant that birthed him?

I shot Corkus a dirty look and reigned in my emotions. Settling down, my eyes did a turn about the small chapel and, suddenly, I realized that one of us was missing.

"_He's disappeared again," _I gasped, thinking of Gutts. _"Where is he?" _

Probably off somewhere practicing with that monstrous sword, I gathered. He was definitely not one to rub elbows with the nobles. However, regardless of that, he should be in attendance, if only to show his support of Griffith.

A round of applause drew my attention and I blushed, ashamed at my own lack of focus. Looking towards the front of the chapel, I saw Griffith kneel and kiss the tip of the king's sword. The ceremony was over and our leader was officially a knight, but then… he had always, since the day he saved my virtue and quite possibly my life, been _my _knight in shining armor.

xXxXx

In an enclosed tent, Griffith, Gutts, Corkus, Ricket, Pippin and I stood and listened as Judeau gave us the layout of the enemy supply base.

We were surprised to hear Griffith order a frontal attack. Although it was a small base, our leader was concerned about pre-alerting the garrison of our intentions. He explained that our main objective was to capture the supply base as soon as possible. By attacking directly, we would eliminate the possibility of a full-scale battle.

"_So, what's our formation?" _Corkus inquired.

"_Gutts and Caska's companies will take the lead and attract the garrison's attention," _Griffith began. _"With them engaged, the main company will then charge the front gate and head straight for the armory. We will begin the siege as soon as preparations are complete."_

The order was given; each party nodded in agreement and our small group began to disperse.

"_Oh, boy!" _Corkus groaned aloud. _"It looks like Gutts is going to get all the credit again."_

I saw Gutts stop and slowly turn to confront Corkus. His face was impassive and he never uttered a word, but then, I had learned to read those eyes sometime ago. My fool comrade was treading on thin ice at the moment.

"_That's right," _Corkus provoked the dark warrior. _"You want to step outside?" _

That put a crack in the already thinned surface. So foolish… I cannot imagine that idiot had the gall to challenge Gutts. Was he ready to die? Drawing my sword, I sliced the air between them to cut the tension.

"_Caska!" _Corkus gasped, as both men turned to me.

"_Griffith gave those orders," _I spat and the look I gave dared him to dispute it.

The muscles in Corkus' face twitched, before he turned his face to the side and spit in anger. With a sneer, he turned and walked out of the tent. I was sure that he was cursing me and/or Gutts.

Sheathing my sword, I turned back to my silent comrade. With Griffith's newly appointed status, I felt I had to keep Gutts on a shorter leash than usual. For once, instead of lecturing with him, I decided to appeal to his common sense.

"_We cannot afford to squabble amongst ourselves anymore. We are no longer mercenaries," _I stated quietly. _"Things have to change." _

Again, I was met with silence. Those brown eyes turned to me, but his face was carved in stone.

"_Now, look… you have been given specific orders!" _My composure began to fail. _"Do-not-run off,"_ I emphasized hotly.

Those heavy brows drew together in a frown, but he just stared at me. Suddenly, without a response, he turned and left the tent.

"_Gutts… wait!" _I yelled after him. Well… so much for appealing to his common sense. It was clear the man didn't possess an ounce of it and, not only that, but he had also snubbed me.

"_Damn him," _I thought. _"Of all the insufferable…" _I continued the expletives in my mind as I made to go after him. He was going to listen; I swore it, even if I had to beat him senseless.

"_Caska!"_

I stopped suddenly, as a hand clamped down on my shoulder and turned to find Griffith standing behind me.

His hand was warm, his touch gentle. I felt the heat of his palm through my clothes and I bade myself not to blush. Staring into his ice blue orbs, my anger evaporated in an instant.

"_I'm depending on you, Caska!"_

That was all that he said, but then… that was all I needed to hear. Speechlessly, I nodded and suppressed the urge to blush again as he smiled down on me. My insides had turned to mush and I nodded a response. Griffith needed me and for now… that's all that mattered.

xXxXx

The second and third companies burst through the gates of the enemy. As always, Gutts was the first to enter battle and the first to have his sword stained with his opponent's blood.

Just like before, I took out my frustrations on every man I faced and was still able to keep my eye on Gutts. He was not hard to find, with that huge broadsword and the bodies piling up.

We had narrowed the numbers of the first line's defense, when Griffith's company stormed through the gates. Immediately, my eyes flew to Gutts. He was engaged with two soldiers, but wasted no time taking them down. Suddenly, he turned his steed and turned to follow the main company.

"_Not again!" _I growled. The bloodthirsty fool was breaking formation… again. Pulling hard on my mounts reins, I took off after him.

"_Gutts… what the hell do you think you're doing?" _I yelled, trying to approach his left flank.

"_Get out of here… now!"_ he yelled back and struck back with his sword, missing my horse by mere inches.

"_Get back… arghhh… Gutts!!!" _

My anger knew no bounds at this point. Gutts had clearly lost his senses. He was like an injured animal that needed to be put out of his misery. The more I raced after him, the more the idea appealed to me.

I could hear Gutts shouting something to Griffith; our leader then raised his sword and signaled to retreat. Pulling back on my mount, I brought her to a halt. It was then that I noticed the smoke from the storage sheds and the explosion that followed.

"_Everyone… take cover!!!!" _I yelled to the men.

The first explosion caused a chain reaction; several more sheds in the rear armory detonated. Our companies stayed low and out of range until the blasts finally stopped.

Standing up, I looked around to what was left of the supply forte. The enemy had chosen to destroy their own provisions or… had it been a trap? The more I considered the situation and recalled Gutts' reaction; I realized that he had saved us.

The thought did not sit well with me. Ungraciously, I could only think that his heroics only brought him that much closer to Griffith. With a sigh, I had to admit that without Gutts impulsive actions, our leader could now either be severely injured or… worse.

As I stood there, trying to sort my feelings, I heard footsteps approaching. Looking over my shoulder, I saw my nemesis standing behind me.

"What's bothering you now?" Gutts asked gruffly.

What was bothering me, I asked myself. Griffith was alive, that was my only concern… that should be the _only _thing that mattered, not my selfish feelings. It did not matter who saved him, as long as he was still with us.

"If you've got something to say then say it," Gutts snapped. "You've never had a problem reprimanding me before!"

"**Shut up!" **I rounded on him. "It's just…" I began and then took a deep breath to calm myself. "I just wanted to say that… you're actions on the battlefield today were right."

"I was just disobeying orders… like always," he stated.

"It's different this time." I looked away from his intense stare. "You were just desperately trying to protect Griffith, but… I didn't understand that," I admitted.

Swallowing my pride, I looked him in the eye. Damn it! I never thought it would come to this… that I would have to…

"I mean… what I really want to say is… thanks; I was…wrong." Lowering my eyes, I moved to walk away and managed to mumble, "I'm sorry" as I brushed past him.

With leaden feet, I headed towards my horse and looked up to find Griffith staring at me. His eyes were smiling and he nodded in approval. That small gesture did nothing to alleviate my confused feelings; if anything, it only enhanced them.

To be continued…


	4. The Immortal

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Berserk; this is only a fanfic.

**Authors Notes: **Hi everyone… new chapter up! It's not a long one, but I hope you like it.

Many thanks to my reviewers: Silver Spider and Swordman Beliefs. Please read enjoy and leave a review!

* * *

**Chapter 4: The Immortal**

The first and second unit of the Hawks lined the cliffs overlooking the castle. Thunder rolled and lightening streaked across the sky, as we watched the battle ensuing below. It had been at least three hours since Gutts and the Raiders had led the attack on Chuder's keep. Since that time, we had not heard one word on their progress.

"_Message!!!" _

We turned as a horse galloped into our midst. The rider dismounted and bowed on one knee in front of Griffith.

"_We have successfully brought the enemy's castle under control!" _he announced.

"_And… the commander?" _our leader inquired.

"_We have not yet reached him, sir," _the man answered and pushed up the visor on his helmet. _"The Raiders, under Gutts command, are laying siege to the castles keep. But… due to one immensely powerful soldier, fighting with the enemy, we cannot clear a path." _

"_One soldier?" _I asked perplexed. Was there such a man that could hold off the Raiders as well as their commander? Begrudgingly, I had to admit I found that unbelievable.

"_Cut off by one soldier?" _Corkus sniffed and then chuckled, finding some humor in the situation. _"What a pathetic commander."_

My comrade's smug attitude grated on my nerves, but I wondered what was going on down there. Turning to Griffith, I saw his eyes where glued to the chaos below and I was sure we were sharing the same thought.

"_Zodd," _Judeau whispered out of the blue.

"_What was that?" _Corkus and I turned to our comrade.

"_It's something I heard about before we joined the war effort," _the knife wielder went on to explain. _"People say that Nosferatu Zodd sometimes fights among the enemy."_

"_Nosferatu…" _I began, _"You mean Zodd… the immortal?"_

The men murmured amongst themselves at the very mention of the legendary man/beast. Some believed he actually existed, while others considered him a mythical creature created in the minds of battle weary soldiers.

"_Who is he?" _Pippin inquired. Although ignorant of the subject, the name alone was enough to spur interest from our normally silent comrade.

"_Haven't you heard of him, Pippin?" _Ricket gasped. At the blank look, the young boy explained. _"Zodd is a well known and feared fighter among mercenaries. They say he has taken the heads of hundreds, no… thousands in battle, but that's not the only reason he is feared." _

"_It is said that he sometimes returns to battle after reportedly being killed in a previous one," _the boy continued. _"Believe it or not, he's been around for nearly a hundred years according to the accounts of his exploits." _

"_A hundred?" _Pippin asked, which was a record number of words for him in one day.

"_That's why he's called Nosferatu Zodd… the Immortal." _Rickert said.

"_Gimme a break!" _Corkus scoffed. _"You're not going to take that kind of fairy tale seriously; are you, Ricky boy? And… Pippin, I expected more from you." _He turned to the silent giant.

"_You don't know what you're talking about!" _Rickert grew adamant. _"Many mercenaries believe that he is the god of war."_

"_Okay, okay… whatever you say," _Corkus said dismissively.

Following the exchange, I turned to Griffith. He had not spoken one word, but had listened intensely to Ricket's limited and somewhat inconceivable biography. Could this possibly be the same entity holding off the Raiders forces?

The sound of thunder rolled and the darkened sky lit up as lightening struck somewhere in the distance.

"_I don't like the looks of this," _Judeau said looking up, as if a premonition would reveal itself in the gray clouds overhead.

Griffith stared straight ahead, his blue eyes focused on the castles' keep. I knew, without a doubt, we were moving forward to assist our third squad. After all, Griffith could not allow anything happening to Gutts.

xXxXx

We arrived to a courtyard filled with bloody corpses. Bodies were strewn everywhere and the third squad had had their share of casualties. The remaining Raiders approached and hurriedly explained the situation.

It was as the messenger had said, there was indeed a solitary soldier holding off their forces. According to Gaston, the Raiders secondary, Gutts had entered the castle sometime ago, but no one had heard from him since. It was obvious they were gravely concerned about their commander. When asked why the unit did not accompany him, he was informed that their captain had ordered them to remain behind.

Gutts had also forbidden them to contact Griffith, stating that the first man that did so would lose his life. Therefore, they had no choice but stand by as their commander faced the solitary enemy alone.

"_I'm going in." _Griffith's announcement came suddenly. _"The rest of you wait here," _he instructed.

His words startled me. _"But… but…"_ I tried to say something, but I… I just didn't know what to say.

"_I'll go with you," _Judeau volunteered and started to dismount.

"_No," _Griffith declined. He eyes were filled with determination as he said, _"Don't worry, I will bring Gutts back." _

Turning to the archery unit, he yelled, _"Alright… let's move out!" _

"_Yes, sir!" _

I sat in a daze and watched them enter the keep. I didn't want Griffith to go, but I what could I possibly say that would stop him. I was a soldier before I was a woman and feelings, especially mine, were meaningless on the battlefield.

Would Griffith feel as strongly if it were Judeau, Ricket or Pipin in there or… even me for that matter? Gutts was a soldier, just like the rest of us. Why was he so different… what was it about him that he had acquired special consideration from our leader.

Watching Griffith's silver mane disappear in the darkness, I felt the first stirrings of fear.

xXxXx

The wait was unbearable. We kept watch at the entrance, starring down the long, dark passageway into the castles' keep. The courtyard reeked with the stench of fresh blood, but the remaining 'Hawks' and I, stayed rooted to that spot.

"_What the hell's going on in there?" _I heard Corkus ask. _"Griffith or someone should have been back by now." _

"_I wonder…" _Gaston began and we all held our breath as he continued. _"… if Zodd has already killed commander Gutts and… Sir Griffith by now."_

"_Don't talk nonsense, Gaston," _young Ricket admonished. _"It's not possible that those two were killed." _

"_So what's taking so long?" _Pippin asked.

"_What should we do Caska?" _Judeau asked of me.

My every instinct, the very core of my feminine soul wanted to brave that domain of death, but I was a soldier and… as a soldier, I would heed my orders.

"_We continue to wait," _I said softly.

"_Aren't you worried about them?" _Judaeu snapped forcefully.

Of course I was, but I… just…

"_Griffith ordered us to wait here," _I said with as much authority as I could muster. As second in command, I had spoken and we would wait.

How deep were they in the bowels of that damnable place? We could not hear a sound from within, not one of battle nor the screams of death. As my hands tightened on the reigns of my horse, I noticed that my palms were perspiring.

I did not want to consider what could be happening in there. I wanted to believe that our leader would be all right. However, no matter what I wanted to believe, Griffith was only human. Although the others and I held him in awe, although he was an extraordinary figure, he was still just a man.

If it was this… Zodd inside, how could he possibly contend with such a legendary opponent? As my gaze turned once again to the darkened corridor, I thought of the strange pendant Griffith wore. It was a hideous looking thing, but he swore that it brought him luck and I hoped that proved true today.

Suddenly, there was a immense explosion of some sort, coming from inside. The walls of the keep rattled and the ground shook in its intensity.

"_**Griffith!!!" **_My mind screamed.

Without a word a word to the others, I jumped from my horse and fled into the darkness. I had to get to him… if anything happened to Grifffith…

Closing my eyes, I forced back tears and ran as if my life depended on it. Behind me I could hear Judeau shouting orders in my absence. I had deserted my post… relinquished my command, but none of that mattered now. I had to see him; I had to make sure that Griffith was still alive.

There seemed to be no end to this corridor, it reeked of death and it spurred me to run faster. No stranger to fallen comrades, it sickened me to see the destruction this beast had caused. Fear heightened the adrenaline pumping through my veins, as I followed the trail of the blood-splattered columns and I heard Judeau and the others close behind me.

There was a light ahead; we continued down the passageway and entered a huge chamber. Immediately, I noticed Gutts massive bulk struggling to stand, but where was Griffith?

And… then I saw him; he lay unconscious under one of the large pillars, his head set at an awkward angle. I ran to him and fell to my knees.

"_Griffith… Griffith!" _I shook him gently, trying to rouse him. _"Hold on," _I nearly sobbed. _"Griffith, please hold on."_

Cradling him in my arms, I heard the fall of heavy boots and a familiar gait. My body tensed as I sensed Gutts draw near and I felt him reach out.

"_Get away!" _I hissed. _"Don't touch him… just leave him alone!"_

My body shook with a mixture of fear, rage and resentment. Fear - because although his heart beat steadily, Griffith was not responding. Rage - because his concern was so great for one man, that he was willing to risk his life to save him and finally… resentment for the only man ever bequeathed that honor.

"_It's all your fault," _I said, my anger building. _"__**You**__ put Griffith in danger… __**you**__ almost got him killed." _

It was always Gutts… everything was about Gutts. Every mission, assignment and reconnaissance included him. He was Griffith's right hand, his confidante and was always on the forefront. Not only did Gutts protect Griffith, but Griffith also protected Gutts.

It was then… at that exact moment, that I knew that I hated Gutts. As I turned to him, I was unaware that my dark eyes burned with and reflected my feelings. With tears streaming down my cheeks, I shouted in anguish…

"_**Griffith could have been killed and it's all because of you!"**_

xXxXx

Sitting outside the infirmary, Judeau, Pippin, Ricket, Corkus and I waited while the nobles visited our leader. While medical personnel were dispatched to tents to heal our wounded, Griffith had been brought here with the king's own aids attending him.

There was much speculation as to whether Gutts and Griffith had actually encountered a monster in their last battle. Although the 'Hawks' were successful in conquering Chuder's keep, some say the mention of a monster was an explanation to account for the number of causalities suffered. Only the two survivors, Griffith and Gutts, knew the truth.

As the nobility were about, the other 'Hawks' and I were not allowed in the infirmary. It was very demeaning, but we all knew our place and would have to wait. Only a few months ago, we would have been unable to even grace the courtyard.

Hearing someone approach, I looked up to find Gutts hobbling towards us. Due to his injuries, the dark warrior walked with a crutch for support. Although severely wounded, he had made a miraculous recovery.

"_Gutts!" _Ricket exclaimed. _"Are you well enough to walk?" _

"_I'm fine," _he responded to our small comrade and then his gaze turned to me.

God… how I despised him. We wouldn't be here if it weren't for him and Griffith wouldn't be injured. I had nothing to say to him; the man was a walking catastrophe and I turned away from his probing gaze.

"_Forget about it," _I heard Judeau say to Gutts. _"No one blames you. Caska only said those things because she was frantic at the time, you know how she is."_

I said those things because I meant them, I said to myself. Judeau may have felt the need to apologize on my behalf, but I, personally, was not going to.

"_Well… what are you all doing here," _Gutts asked.

"_We wanted to visit Griffith,"_ Ricket began.

"_But… we're not allowed," _Judeau continued. _"He has visitors already." _He shoved a thumb in the direction of the infirmary entrance. _"Ministers, bishops and other big shots of the royal court have come to pay their respects. The world is as kind as it is cruel, so to speak," _he added sarcastically. _"Most of the senior statesmen despise Griffith and regard him as some upstart mercenary commoner,"_ Judeau went on to say. _"While others try to gain his favor to secure their future in the court."_

"_Oh… I get it," _Gutts murmured.

He was a bit slow on the uptake, I snorted. The majority of the 'Hawks' already knew this; however, only Judeau could express it so thoroughly. And then… there were the ones like Corkus, who in pursuit of his own fame through Griffith, was in complete and utter denial.

"_Maybe we've been taking it for granted, but Griffith has been invincible so far," _Judeau continued. _"Basically, he's the leader of the strongest unit in Midland's army."_

"_Hmmm," _I heard Gutts growl. _"That's it," _he stated and my head whipped around. I had heard that tone before.

"_Wait, Gutts," _Judeau exclaimed in alarm. _"Where are you going?"_

I stood just as he mounted the stairs. I knew it… he was going off half-cocked as usual. If he dared…

"_Wait!" _I called out and he stopped and turned to me. _"You weren't listening, were you?" _I asked.

"_Yes-I-was," _he emphasized. _"So what?" _

"_So what?"_ I reiterated angrily. _"Don't give me that. I'm telling you to wait right here until Griffith finishes receiving his guests."_

"_I don't give a damn about protocol," _he smirked at me. _"I'm going to visit my friend."_

"_Gutts!" _I warned.

"_**You**__ wait here," _he threw over his shoulder and turned back to hobble up the stairs.

Before I could react, the two guards had accessed the situation and had moved forward, denying him entrance. However, I should have known even the castle guards could not detain him. With a few basic maneuvers, Gutts had them both rolling down the stairs and landing in a heap at the bottom.

Damn… he was an embarrassment, I gritted my teeth in frustration. Judeau and Ricket looked mortified. Corkus was enjoying this, seeing Gutts make an ass of himself and, as usual, Pippin was hard to read. I didn't want to even stop and consider the nobles inside.

"_Hey, Ricket," _Gutts addressed the youngster. _"You want to pay Griffith a visit?" _

"_N-no, t-that's alright," _the boy stuttered and held his hands up in mock surrender. _"I'll wait." _

"_Well… suit yourself,"_ he smirked and turned back to the infantry entrance. _"Hey, Griffi…" _

My hand on his shoulder interrupted him. I had had enough of him; if he continued unchecked, he could destroy everything that Griffith had worked so hard to obtain. The Neanderthal… his brain must truly be the size of a pea.

"_Haven't you guys had enough?" _He turned angrily, thinking the guards had returned. On seeing me, his eyes grew wide.

As I drew back my arm, I thought of everything he had put me through the past three years. From his blatant disregard for orders to his recklessness that endangered others; everything I felt gathered into my fist, as it flew forward and smashed into his jaw.

Gutts stumbled back, fell into the wall and then slid to the ground. I had dazed him… that was good, I thought and moved forward. I watched him shake his head to orient himself and wipe a hand across his jaw to lessen the effects of the blow. Pulling himself up on one knee, he lifted his head and those dark eyes spoke volumes.

"_What the hell is you're problem?!" _he yelled and then, he grew silent as he looked up at me.

Damn, I was crying again. This was the second time I had cried in front of this idiot. Normally, I had more control; I just didn't understand.

"_Why?"_ My voice trembled. _"Why does it always come down to this?" _Why had Griffith chosen him? What did he have that Judeau, the other 'Hawks' or I lacked? And… finally…

"_In spite of it all," _I whispered, where only his ears could hear. _"Why does Griffith value you so much?" _

There… I had said it and it could not be retracted. Standing there, the tears were streaming down my face, but could not stop them and I did not brush them away. I was oblivious to Gutts, picking up his crutch and limping off. The last thing I remembered before walking off in the opposite direction was Rickets words.

"_I think I know what Gutts is feeling," _the boy said. _"Griffith has been unapproachable lately; it's like… he's almost a complete stranger to us."_

As I headed out of the courtyard, I realized how true the child's words were.

To be continued…


	5. Clarity

**Disclaimer: **I do not own 'Berserk'; this is only a fanfic.

**Authors Notes: Hello everyone! This chapter is long overdue and I can only hope there is still someone waiting to read it. **

**As Caska's presence was minimal in "The Swords Owner", I created a scene for her that is not in the manga or anime, although it relates to actual events in both. Without further adieu, please read, enjoy and leave a review.**

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**Chapter 5: Clarity **

The grounds within the Midland castle walls were truly impressive. Well-manicured lawns seem to stretch endlessly, as I took pleasure in a solitary walk. Another battle would take place soon and I planned to take full advantage of the peace and quiet.

Walking aimlessly through the grove, I soon found an empty stone bench near the south end of the castle and took a seat. I leaned back, as a light breeze whipped through, ruffling the ends of my dark hair and the leaves in the trees above.

"_**Aahhh!!!"** _I exclaimed. This was what I had been seeking; shade from the unrelenting sun and complete solitude. From where I sat, I had an excellent view of the orchard, as well as, the castles' rear stairwell that led to the garden.

Turning in that direction, I noticed our commander, Griffith, standing with Gutts.

"_**Together again, I see!"** _The sarcasm rang clearly in my own ears.

The two were deep in conversation and I studied them unobserved. One was as fair as the other was dark; one was a refined gentleman while the other was an undisciplined brute. Both were a complete contrast of the other and yet, something (I'm not sure what) bound them together.

Looking on, I wondered what they were discussing. It should not matter to me, but it did. Before Gutts came along, _I _was the one Griffith turned to… _I_ was his confidant.

"_**Why him?"** _I asked for the hundredth time. _**"Why did Griffith choose him?"**_

Pulling my legs up to my chest, I wrapped my arms around them, gave a resigned sigh and rested my chin on my knees. Both men had their backs to me; Griffith leaned on the balustrade, as Gutts sat upon it.

There discussion was somewhat intense. To the average onlooker, both men appeared to be having a normal conversation, but that was not the case to my trained eye. Griffith appeared relaxed, but he was absently fingering the strange talisman worn at his throat. It was a unconscious habit when he was deep in thought. Gutts also appeared at ease; however, those broad shoulders were hunched forward and rigid with tension.

Were they finally discussing the issue of Nosferatu Zodd? Since the day they had encountered the beast, neither, Griffith nor Gutts, had spoken one word about it. Not during the aftermath, their convalescence nor to any other member of the 'Hawks'… not even me.

I sighed again and exhaled loudly, my breath lifting a wayward strand of ebony hair from my eyes. At that moment, Griffith turned and leaned over the railing, facing in my direction. I pressed back against the bench, trying to conceal myself within the foliage, Pulling my legs tighter into my chest, I was hoping to remain unnoticed.

Why did Griffith trust Gutts? The man barely followed orders and, with the exception of Griffith and a few members of the 'Hawk's Raiders, he was considered a lone wolf. Not to mention, since our acceptance into the Midland army, Gutts had not made any attempt to fit in with the nobles.

Gutts was sullen and withdrawn in their presence. He rarely spoke, never called attention to himself, but the nobles were still intimidated by him. Although he lacked Griffith's eloquence and refined fighting style, no one could deny that Gutts wielded that monstrosity of a broadsword with accurate precision, producing the same deadly results.

Suddenly, the King of Midland appeared at the top of the stairs accompanied by, what looked like, a high-ranking official. His majesty's presence took Griffith and Gutts by surprise, but I saw him smile cordially and strike up conversation with the two men.

I watched Griffith genuflect in greeting, as one should in the presence of royalty. As usual, his manners were impeccable. To anyone observing him, he gave no indication of anything other than nobility himself. However, Gutts… always the disobedient commoner, remained standing.

"_**Gutts…"** _I hissed through clenched teeth and shot to my feet. _**"Stubborn brute!" **_I seethed; the man had no respect. Gutts knew what was expected in the king's presence and yet…

"_**Kneel, damn you!" **_I growled, as if he could hear me from this distance. The official accompanying the king stepped forward and seemed to mimick my exact words… minus the profanity.

Griffith turned to Gutts and waited. As the two men made eye contact, I sensed the silent appeal of our commander to his subordinate. After a brief exchange between them, Gutts finally conceded and dropped down on one knee.

"_**Insubordinate ass!!" **_I fumed. If that had been any other member of the "Hawks", you could best believe there would be hell to pay. Only Gutts was privileged enough to get away such an act of defiance.

Standing in front of the stone bench, I remained unnoticed as Griffith and Gutts were given permission to rise. The king continued to converse with the two and I crept forward, hoping to overhear when something caught my eye. As my eyes strayed beyond the king, I noticed a lone figure hiding behind one of the garden house pillars. It was the king's daughter and the only child of the monarchy… Princess Charlotte.

Petite and slender with fair alabaster skin, the king of Midland's daughter was the very essence femininity. Charlotte's abundant, russet hair was pulled back into two fashionable buns with soft tendrils escaping their confines and cascading around her perfect heart shaped face. A pert, retrousse nose was set above tiny lips resembling rose petals. But… it was her eyes; large, deep-set and the color of the deepest indigo that were her most striking feature.

Breathtaking - that was how men described the princess; or rather the few that had been fortunate enough to set eyes upon her. The young woman was a recluse. She was hardly seen outside the castle and just as rarely inside. As my eyes slide over to Griffith, I noticed he also had detected her presence.

"_**Who is that young lady over there?" **_Griffith inquired of the king.

There was something in his voice… something that caught my attention. As a woman amongst a band of unruly men, I had come to realize when a man showed interest in a woman. Judeau, Pippin and even a letch like Corkus voice altered over the sight of a busty barmaid or a quaint village girl. I even recalled Ricket's high-pitched squeak, as a young, pretty girl thanked him for fixing her ox cart and, it was clear from Griffith's tone, that he was interested in Lady Charlotte.

My heart grew heavy and my eyes shifted to my feet. I had no right to feel this way, after all, Griffith was my commander and that is all he would ever be. He did not see me as a woman; I was only Caska, his second in command and his left flank on the field of battle. I was no beauty, my only asset was my swordsmanship, which surpassed most men in the 'Hawks'. There was nothing soft or feminine about me and to Griffith, I was just… a fellow soldier.

My dark, pain-filled eyes looked back to the group on the stairwell. The conversation appeared to be over, as the king had already descended into the garden. I watched Lady Charlotte daintily lift her skirts and lunge down the stairs, hurrying after her father. In her haste, the princess stumbled and I saw her pitch forward.

Suddenly, Griffith appeared and caught her in a firm grip. His arm encircled her small waist, holding her steady until she righted herself. Even from this distance, I could see the faint blush that stained lady Charlotte's face and I could understand how she felt.

Eyes as blue as the sky on a clear day, met those of the deepest indigo. Standing within the circle of Griffith's arms, I watched in envy, as Lady Charlotte placed a tentative hand to my commander's chest.

It was too much to bear and I turned away; half disgusted with the act and half disgusted with myself. When would I learn my place with Griffith… when? From the moment he had rescued me from that perverted, old lord my parents had sold me to, I had worshipped him and had vowed to serve him.

Turning away from the scene, I retreated into the grove of trees and headed back to the encampment. My solitude was disrupted and I no longer found beauty in my surroundings. Emptying my mind, I refused to dwell on my whimsical fantasies and what could never be.

*****

The waiting was unbearable. Our unit was stationed amongst the tress; cloaked in foliage and out of view of the men aligning the fortress wall. Everyone was quiet, awaiting the final signal from Gutts.

Griffith's plan had three phases. A hawk had been dispatched, giving us the first signal to begin distracting the enemy. The Hawks appeared on the hillside, alerting Chuder's army of our presence.

We shouted battle cries, obscenities and made threatening gestures, as we awaited the next signal to begin the second phase. Everyone turned to the sound of a galloping horse and Ricket appeared over the rise, traveling at breakneck speed.

"_**Griffith!!!" **_the boy shouted, reigning in his mount. **_"I have confirmation that all the Raiders have crossed the river!" _**

That was the second signal, notifying us to fallback. Gutts' team had made it across the river and had gained ground to the rear of the fortress. On hearing phase two had been successful, the men quieted, turned and then retreated within the shelter of the tress.

More time passed and Corkus' constant nagging was starting to annoy me. _**"Is he gonna keep us waiting here all night?"**_ the bastard kept repeating. I wasn't the only one to find him annoying, but the others as well. Even Judeau, who is the most patient of us all, had to grit his teeth to refrain from telling Corkus to shut up.

Suddenly, the massive doors of Doltry's stronghold were thrown open. My eyes grew wide in surprise and my jaw went slack. _**"He did it!" **_I nearly gasped aloud. _**"Gutts made it through." **_Gutts and the Raiders had penetrated the impregnable fortress. That was something Midland's Golem Knights had failed to accomplish.

"_**Griffith…" **_I exclaimed. Somewhat subdued until this point, I suddenly found myself anxious to assist Gutts and his men. My heart thumped wildly in my chest and my palms were moist. That was odd, as I had never before experienced such exhilaration before a battle.

"_**We shall wait for the signal!" **_Griffith stated firmly.

As usual, Griffith's planning was flawless. However… begrudgingly, I had to admit that Gutts had also executed it to perfection. Now I understood why our commander put so much faith in him. In my infinite dislike of Gutts, I realized I had undermined his abilities as soldier.

What I mistook for disobedience, was Gutts following his instincts. His tactless battle maneuvers were to defend his comrades and, what I called recklessness, was actually Gutts will to survive. It was my animosity towards him that had blinded me to his worth.

The blare of a horn sounded; the final phase of the plan was in motion and seeing those doors opened only heightened my exhilaration. My horse began to prance under me, as my excitement had transmitted to her, making her skittish.

"_**Everyone… charge the gate!"**_ Griffith shouted, as he raised his sword to lead the charge.

We fell into formation and rushed down the incline. We raced along the moat, over the bridge and entered the fortress. A full scale battle was already underway and I immediately searched for Gutts. He wasn't hard to find; with that monstrous sword, bodies dropped like flies as he cleared a pathway for our forces.

The battle did not last long. Chuder's army were outnumbered and outclassed; therefore, they had no choice but turn tail and run. Only a few, along with their commander officer, managed to escape.

Standing in the bloody courtyard, in the midst of the fallen, Griffith's dismounted and removed his helmet. _**"You did quite well today," **_he addressed Gutts with a smile.

"**_I was only following your orders," _**Gutts responded with only a hint of a smile.

A sharp retort sprung to mind, but never left my lips. Gutts deserved praise. Without his efforts, conquering this fortress would have not have gone as smoothly; therefore, I remained silent.

"**We did it!" **Ricket shouted with glee.

"_**Yes…" **_I agreed. **_"We've finally driven a wedge into Chuder's territory." _**

We had achieved the impossible and the future looked bright for our mishmash group. Everyone must have sensed it, as this was the first time I had felt such amity amongst us after a battle. Griffith's dream was finally within reach and it was all… thanks to Gutts.

To be continued…


End file.
